Life Transformation Through Spiritual Practice and Meditation

My Early Life  

I grew up in a very strict environment where speaking for myself was not allowed.  Hence I developed a completely introverted personality. My school was strict too, and the practice of punishment increased my fear and anxiety. I started getting anxiety attacks and developed an asthmatic problem at the age of four.

My home was very chaotic, and there was so much violence—verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. I was brought up in a family of an alcoholic, abusive, and very controlling father. My mother had to take care of the finances, while my siblings and I were completely neglected.

When I was a teenager, I became conscious of my looks, and I would request my parents to buy a few good clothes for me. Most of the time my requests were unheard. I spent all my childhood feeling heard as if my voice did not matter. I rarely spoke at school, and I used to cry a lot, feeling lonely. My introverted nature and lack of communication skills made it impossible for me to make friends.  

As a teenager, I kept telling my mother that our family had a problem and that we did not deserve my father’s abuse.  I kept repeating that we deserve to have a good life, but my voice was always unheard. I continued to go through all that abuse and, as a result, I went into depression. I gradually accepted my life, I accepted that I am going to have an abusive relationship throughout my life and that no one is going to treat me right. I could see no way out, and so I wanted to end my life.

Fed up with the abuse, at the age of 18 I left my hometown to pursue a degree in a different state, only to realize I didn’t have my own identity. I thought that my distance from home would make things better, but instead of feeling relief, felt so empty and emotionally exhausted from my lifelong experience of being abused.

I did not know how to talk respectfully, how to approach someone for friendship, how to take care of myself, or how to stand up for myself. I was bullied throughout college, and I had only two friends who would approach me only when they had to work with me on an assignment. Every morning while going to college I would come up with ideas on how to my life, and whenever any issue come up in college, I would say to myself that I had the option of going back to my hostel and ending my life.

Life’s Biggest Challenge

Even though I was constantly bullied and suffered from very low self-esteem, I managed to complete my degree. I moved to Bangalore in search of a job, with very little money in my hand and no support from anyone.  

I took up multiple jobs to meet my existential needs. I was so much emotionally exhausted, that I began to think my only way to survive in Bangalore was to get into a relationship. A partner, I thought, would take care of my emotional state and marriage would help me finally settle down.  

However, I was carrying an abusive pattern since childhood. As a result, I manifested a relationship with a man who had the same nature as my father. My partner was so abusive; he physically abused me multiple times, tortured me emotionally, and shamed me in public. One day he hit me so hard, that I remained unconscious for a few minutes. And yet I was convinced that this was the guy I was going to marry and believed that my life was completely in his hands. I did not dare to end the relationship. I was afraid of being alone again, of having to take care of myself with no one by my side.  

Eventually, it was he who realized we had a problem and decided to end our relationship. This left me completely numb. I could not feel anything, could not eat anything, I lost a lot of weight, I could not sleep, I hated meeting anyone, and I hated talking to anyone. I blamed myself for what had happened. I used to say to myself that I was the only one who is facing abuse. To me, this was proof that something was wrong with me.

At that point, I even sought medical help. I went to multiple doctors, and they diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I took medicines whenever I went through an anxiety attack or sudden sadness. But by taking medicines I started getting panic attacks too. I used to feel my life was in danger.

A Quest for Inner Understanding

One day, as I was scrolling through Youtube, I came across a video on the “Law of Attraction.” The video explained how your thoughts and feelings can change your life. At that point, I was so tired of living my life with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, that I was ready to try anything. There was a video suggestion to try a 45-min meditation,  and I went through it. I remember how, at the end of the meditation session, I felt so relieved. I had never before experienced such peace. This led me to explore more such content, and I came across other videos on gratitude and mirror work.

Within a week, I noticed changes in my physical appearance. My facial features became more attractive, my skin was clear, the smile was no more that of an introvert, and I regained my weight. Everyone around me started complimenting my physical appearance, saying how attractive I looked.  

After practicing meditation, gratitude ad mirror work for a year, I finally became confident that I could take care of myself. When I suddenly lost my job in 2020 due to the pandemic, I did not find myself in dire straits. I had enough money to take care of my needs, so I took a few months of a break to find another job. I also decided that I would use this time to dive deeper into spirituality.  

One day a friend of mine sent me a flyer for a group meditation conducted by Chandra Sir. My family has no background or experience in meditation, and the experience was completely new to me. Within one week of attending the program, I started experiencing oneness and deeper states of consciousness during meditation.

Within just a few weeks, I realized I was able to think better, I was able to make better decisions, and I was able to speak with more clarity. Chandra Sir suggested many books to me, and one by one, I started reading all of them. I became a book lover, finishing one book after another. I dedicatedly practiced Anapanasati meditation daily. I visualized how my ideal company would look like, how I would be rewarded and appreciated in this new company, the amount of money I would be earning, and the work-life balance I would have.

I started loving myself more. Even though I did not have a job at the time, I was manifesting money either through friends or through links with my previous companies. Within a few months, my dream came true, and I manifested a job in a Big 5 company.

Through Anapanasati meditation, my confidence also increased. As I was becoming more authentic, negative people started drifting away, while more genuine people started appearing in my life. I now face my challenges knowing that I can overcome them. I no longer suffer from panic and anxiety attacks. Because of my meditation practice, my relationship with my family too automatically improved.  ‍

Greatest Understanding

Everyone has a pattern that either helps them or stops them to live the life they want.

Everyone will come to a turning point in their life when they need to dive deep into spirituality. Spirituality is the ultimate truth. It is a science, a pure science, and the one who understands spirituality is going to live a fulfilled life.

If you carry a negative pattern, know that it is not your fault. You can definitely change your old patterns and have the life that you want.  

Spirituality is a lifelong practice. I attend workshops, I still read books, I still attend online Anapanasati meditation sessions, and every month I notice changes in my life.  Don’t wait for something bad to happen for you to begin your journey of spirituality.

By following meditation you will become more authentic, and you will be able to express yourself better, both in the office and at home.

I feel so grateful that I came across Anapanasati meditation. The practice has changed my life completely. I overcame asthma, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. Meditation is such a beautiful gift.

I started teaching other people, too, about spirituality. I found my life purpose: to be a Spiritual Master.  

Once you start doing meditation, you will find more modalities to explore. Those modalities will help you make your life better. I keep learning new things in spirituality — whether it is Quantum Physics or the self-healing teachings of Louise Hay.  

The following spirituality helps you to become a better person, an evolved person. Meditation breaks your old pattern and forms new patterns so that you can have the beautiful and abundant life you always wanted.