Anger Processing Technique: The Anger & You
If you often feel angry at people and situations in your personal or professional life, only to feel shame and regret once you have calmed down, you can try out the anger processing technique called “The Anger & You.”
When we feel overwhelmed by anger, we may express it in either a passive (anger suppression, “implosion") or an active way (venting out, “explosion”). In many situations, feeling swept over by intense emotion, we actively express our anger toward another person, only to regret our words and behavior once we calm down and the situation settles. After such episodes, we realize that we need to achieve emotional self-regulation and be capable of anger management.
To move from thinking about change to acting on those thoughts, you can use this anger processing technique, called “The Anger & You.” The technique requires you to think about and answer several questions, in any of the four categories that best fits the situation you have recently experienced: Anger and Your Family; Anger and Work; Anger and the Events; and Anger and the People.
Please take a moment to relax, pick up a category, and begin working on the following questions.
Category 1: Anger and your family
Describe your family.
What are the qualities that you embrace in each member of your family?
How much do they love you? In what ways do they express their love?
Describe a most recent situation where you spent a happy time with your family.
How is each emotion expressed in your family (love, happiness, caring, sadness, argument, discussion)?
What role did you take in that situation? For example, were you the hero, the rescuer, the victim, the clown, the scapegoat, etc.?
What was a recent heated situation that made you feel angry?
What was your behavioral response?
How did it affect the environment?
Who do you think was the most responsible for it?
Who was the most affeone during that situation?
What could have been other ways of handling the situation?
How do you want to correct it?
Reframe the situation with love, imagining the way it should have happened.
Think about the messages or explanations that you wish to convey to your family members. Phrase them with compassion, and write them down.
Category 2: Anger and Work
Describe your job and job role.
Describe your work environment.
Describe your boss and co-workers.
List the names of your colleagues who are nice to you and those of the ones who are disconnected. How do they behave?
What are your expectations? And what are others’ expectations for you?
What are some of the situations at work that made you feel stressed or angry?
How much were you responsible for the situation? In What way did you trigger it?
What would be other ways to respond/react, in good conflict?
Now reframe the event or your behavior in a positive way, thinking that it is an opportunity to learn new things and progress in your career.
What are other alternatives you could have chosen, to take of the situation?
How do you plan to change your behavior toward achieving a more harmonious experience in your professional life?
Category 3: Anger and the Events
Recall a recent event that made you angry.
Who do you think was the most responsible for the event?
Which part of the event irritated you the most?
What could be another way of dealing with the same situation?
How can you correct it?
Are you able to be patient? Do you think your patience can keep you calm?
Are you able to apply those findings to stay grounded and calm when another such situation arises?
Category 4: Anger and the People
List the names of the people (relatives, friends, strangers) who have made you feel angry recently.
Which part of their behavior irritates you the most?
Why do you feel irritated?
Do you need to be with why?
In what way do you want to stay connected to them?
How is your connection to them helping you in your growth and societal relationships?
What do you think is the best way to balance your relationships with those people?