Self-Awareness: A Key Pillar of Emotional Intelligence
Metamood (awareness of one’s own emotions) & metacognition (awareness of one’s thought process) comprise self-awareness, a key pillar of Emotional Intelligence. Find out how, depending on their level of self-awareness, people deal differently with unpleasant emotions & distressful situations.
Self-awareness = metamood + metacognition
Psychologists define the term “metacognition” as “thinking about one’s thinking” or “an awareness of the thought process,” while the term “meta mood” is an “awareness of one’s own emotions.” Together, metacognition and meta-mood comprise self-awareness, a key pillar of Emotional Intelligence. John Mayer, a psychologist from the University of New Hampshire, summarizes self-awareness in the following manner: “Self-awareness means being aware of both our mood and our thoughts about that mood.”
Central to the capacity for self-awareness in an active and well-functioning neocortex, including the areas that contribute to language—so that the person is capable of identifying and expressing his or they feelings. The self-aware individual is thus able to observe their thoughts and emotions in a rather neutral way, even when those thoughts and emotions are turbulent, troublesome, and (potentially) explosive. It is as if one is capable of stepping aside from themselves, and dispassionately reflecting upon the situation, upon their emotional and cognitive response to that situation, without any self-judgment/self-criticism or reaction.
It is important to note that the power of self-awareness lies in the fact that it goes far beyond typical self-restraint. For example, one might, despite their intense anger or rage, refrain from acting aggressively, out of fear about the consequences. When this happens, the inner anger persists or even gains in intensity. On the other hand, a self-aware person observes, recognizes, and acknowledges their emotion (without labeling it as “bad,” “inappropriate,” etc.), and does not identify themselves with that emotion. As a result, they have the freedom to process it and then act on it (rather than being impulsive). Alternatively, they may decide that they could simply let go of it.
Three ways of dealing with unpleasant emotions
How do we deal with unpleasant, disturbing, and troublesome emotions? According to John Mayer, there are three different ways in which people attend to such emotions:
Self-awareness: People in this category are mindful of their emotions and the accompanying thoughts. They understand themselves well, and thus they have more self-confidence, a sense of autonomy/sovereignty, and generally a positive outlook. They do not obsess about an episode of a bad mood or disturbing emotions, and thus they take less time to overcome it.
Engulfed: People who belong to this category are completely overwhelmed by their moods and emotions, unable to claim control over their emotional lives. Due to this, they are not capable of self-reflection, and cannot get out of the grip of a powerful emotion. They easily get carried away by intense emotion.
Accepting: People in this category are mostly aware of their emotions/feelings, but they accept them and do not try to change them. The problem with this attitude (which is often found among depressed individuals) is that it leads to resignation, and there is little to no scope for improvement of one’s state of being.
Two stances toward a distressful situation
When faced with an unpleasant and potentially distressful situation, some people respond extremely. They either remain aloof and disengaged, or they succumb to an emotional storm.
Suzanne Miller, a psychologist at Temple University, developed a psychological test to determine the attentional stances towards distress. The test considers an example of a pilot who announces forthcoming turbulence, following which the passengers on the flight experience rougher-than-usual turbulences.
“Tuning out of the situation”: Some people will try to get distracted—bury themselves in an activity, such as watching a movie, browsing a magazine, or reading a book. Those people, due to their “tuning out” of the situation experience it as less intense and their emotional response is milder.
“Tuning in with the situation”: Other people will become vigilant about every detail of the situation—fastening tighter seatbelts, rereading the safety instructions, and monitoring the reactions of the flight crew for any visible sign of distress. As a result of their “tuning in” with the situation, these people can experience the situation as more intense, and thus also amplify the extent of their reaction.
These are the two ends of the spectrum of emotional reactions — the passionate and the indifferent.
Source
Based on the book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ” by Daniel Goleman, Bantam Books. 1995.