Learning to Accept and Value Our Emotions
From condemning to tempering to honoring our emotions—there are different degrees of valuing the role of emotions. To be alive means to be capable of experiencing, accepting & learning from every emotion, irrespective of how pleasant or discomforting it is.
Most people are aware of the ceaseless mind chatter, which has popularly been termed as “monkey mind.” Yet we are less aware of the emotional hum or murmur that is equally constant in our lives. Our emotions and moods keep changing in the day. For most people, on an average day, the intensity of those emotions is mild, with occasional and minor “bumps.” On certain days, however, one can experience an “emotional roller coaster” with extremely intense feelings.
When intense feelings of sadness, worry, or anger linger for a long period, they may develop into depression, chronic anxiety, and rage which is difficult to control. While most people throughout their lives have developed techniques and strategies for overcoming unpleasant or disturbing emotional states and managing their moods, in many cases those tools and techniques can either be ineffective or suffer from certain limitations. In other words, complete emotional self-mastery is not an easy feat to achieve. Most people admit to themselves that they are often at the mercy of their moods.
Moralist cultures warn against the dangers of “excessive” emotions and passions. Ascetic spiritual orders propagate suppression and subjugation of any “inappropriate” emotions. Consumer-oriented markets promote well-being based on strictly “positive” emotions and a maximum fulfillment of desires. Capitalist and market-driven societies encourage self-centered drives and passions which promote a sense of competition and a strive for success. From condemning to tempering to honoring our emotions—there are different degrees of valuing the role those emotions play in our lives.
A key component of our emotional well-being and a strong indicator of our self-mastery is our ability to withstand emotional storms, says Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence.” This can be achieved neither by negating or suppressing our emotions, nor by giving them a full reign; but by establishing a balance—by acknowledging the value and significance of every emotion found on our rich emotional spectrum. Failure to do this can lead to pathological extremes, such as uncontrollable anger or debilitating depression. Being always joyful is both unrealistic and dull. On the other hand, extraordinary mystics, thinkers, and artists throughout human history have shown that sadness, melancholy, and suffering can be transformed into extraordinary insights, creativity, and wisdom.
To be alive means to be capable of experiencing, accepting, and learning from every emotion and mood, irrespective of how pleasant or discomforting it might be. By honoring our emotions, we are being truthful to ourselves, experiencing serenity, and coming closer to our genuine and authentic selves. Only then can we begin to work on transforming some aspects of our emotional life.
As Goleman explains, “Downs as well as ups spice life, but need to be in balance. In the calculus of the heart it is the ratio of positive to negative emotions that determines the sense of well-being.” While we generally have little or no control over the external circumstances that may trigger a strong emotional response, we can have control over how long the emotion will last. This is an important aspect of emotional self-mastery and can be achieved through inner work, most notably by various forms of mindfulness meditation.